Wells Bruce Dobberfuhl

xoxo Happy Auntie!

Eileen Rothenhausler carried and delivered my sister and brother-in-law’s baby yesterday, naturally. This is her 4th delivery – her two daughters with husband Gabriel, Olivia and Eva, and my two nephews, Henley and Baby D (waiting to be named!) This is miraculous. Thank you Eileen for deciding to embark on this journey and for knowing you could help someone and in turn bring so much happiness to so many people.

Steven’s Dad Gerry, girlfriend Connie and My Mom Joanne – proud grandparents

Becca and Steven have just completed their dream to be the parents of two children. This has been almost 8 years in the making. They have lost babies, one at 20 weeks and have had to make countless decisions and new plans. They have loved and supported each other on this journey to parenthood and have taught me that if you want something badly enough, you keep your heart attached to the belief that it will happen and know you will reach your destination. I have watched their unwavering belief that they would be parents and as I write this I am listening to their oldest child protest to his cousins about which show to watch. Music to my ears. Cousinhood is rich, I know this because I have amazing cousins whom I love and have grown up with and continue to be a very important part of my life.

This morning watching cartoons

Dance Party at the Dobberfuhls last weekend

One of the most remarkable things I’ve learned since the arrival of Henley 2.5 years ago is that a genetic link matters not at all when it comes to love. Henley and Baby D are egg donor babies with Steven being our only known biological link. Details details. These boys are ours and Becca has shown me that an open heart, despite devastating loss is what has allowed joy instead of sorrow to prevail. She never got stuck in the why me and the what ifs. That approach allowed her to be the Mama of two boys today. I am very proud of her and Steven for this.

While we are on this topic, I wanted to share that I got my first breast milk contribution a few weeks ago! About 25 ounces of days 1-3 breast milk came to me via midwife Julia Bower. One of her patients sadly lost her baby at 21 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. After she delivered she decided she wanted to donate her milk and she asked Julia how to go about this. Julia gave her all the information then let her know about my request and this angel donated the first 3 days to me. I am so thankful to her, to be so giving in the midst of her grief. I believe the Universe worked it’s magic and this all came to be because Becca and Steven lost their baby at 20 weeks due to an incompetent cervix almost 6 years ago. Thank you Julia for making this happen and to your patient to whom I send love and healing and hope that she can be a Mama again if she chooses.

I drank milk with Becca cheering me on for the first glass. I made a smoothie with almond milk, ice and protein powder. I was a little freaked out but then thought about the fact that we drink milk from cows all the time and they probably eat poop so really, how weird is this? It was pretty tasty but I have to admit I wasn’t brave enough to try it plain. I am still looking for donations of this kind so email me if you have a lead. It can be shipped to me frozen on dry ice, I will reimburse you for this.

Life is rich.

xoxo Hilary

What a way to celebrate 11 years of marriage, a new member of our family made his debut today. My sister Becca and husband Steven and their son Henley welcomed a new baby boy today at 5:08pm. 8lbs 14 oz and 20.5 inches. He came into the world via gestational carrier, Eileen who carried Henley too. She naturally and quite quickly gave birth to baby D. Thank you Eileen and Gabriel for making Becca and Steven parents of two healthy boys and giving our family such joy. We are very blessed and so happy for Becca and Steven. Baby D remains nameless!

Our anniversary plans of dinner and live music took a back seat to meeting our new nephew and having nephew Henley spend the night with us while his parents stay at the hospital with their newborn.

I am so very grateful for my family, that we get to be so close for events like this and that I am healthy enough to enjoy it. I feel much better than I did yesterday and with all the excitement today I barely thought about recovery from the biopsy. No time! I am also so blessed to be celebrating 11 years of marriage to the man that has made me fall more deeply in love with him with each passing day. The last 6 months have been nothing short of surreal and full of uncertainty yet nothing is more solid then the ground I stand on with Charles. Here are lots of photos – a few of baby D and many of our wedding on Crissy Field in San Francisco on a foggy, windy day.

Nite, nite

xoxo Hilary

All done! It was a long day, we got to the hospital at 11:00 and left at 6:00 for a procedure that took less than an hour. Dr. Jaimes (pronounced hi miss) did the procedure. He also did my first liver biopsy. I really like him. He’s calm, confident and has a kind bedside manner. All the staff at St. David’s Medical Center Central were super organized and friendly.

After being prepped in the room, Dr. Jaimes said he couldn’t find the lesions on the liver. Ha ha I thought, that’s because they’re gone! Unfortunately he was able to locate them. I was awake but in twilight with local anesthesia. He needed to take a lot of tissue with two different needle locations in order to get the right amount of tissue. I like to think those tumors were hard to find and biopsy because they are so small. After he finished the last tissue grab I was in some serious pain. I’m talking the kind when you start groaning and saying things in a little gasp y voice like, “help me” and “it really really hurts”. I was not f-ing around, it ranked up there with labor pain but was short lived. The doctor was very apologetic and I know it couldn’t be avoided. Needless to say, there will be no running for 48 hours and I expect tonight may be a little bit difficult to sleep despite some pain meds.

Becca and I were sitting on my couch after she brought me home and were laughing about something Charlotte wrote and I nearly cried it hurt so much to laugh. If you’ve ever broken or bruised a rib, you know what I’m talking about.

Becca the wonder sister took me to the hospital, sat with me until surgery time and picked me up and drove me home. Friend Beth sat with me and bought me food after an all day fast after the procedure. And friends Robyn and Denise took care of our kids all day long. Thank you, thank you for all the help today. What a blessing to have so many helping hands.

I am wondering how meditation will go tomorrow as deep breaths are very painful. I will do my best. Enjoy the holiday weekend. Right now 11 years ago we were high above the city of San Francisco at the Carnelian Room for a beautiful rehearsal dinner given by my parents in law, Charles and Cornelia. It has a panoramic view of the city and the bay but that night it was socked in by fog so you couldn’t see a thing. It didn’t matter because all we needed was inside the walls of that room. There were speeches and moments that night I will always remember and we were surrounded by love. It’s what I’m learning. Look within, there isn’t a thing outside ourselves that can make us happier than what we feel from a strong, calm inner spirit.

When I woke up Thursday morning in Houston to find out the results of the last scan Charles and I were both paralyzed with fear. I started to get tied to an outcome and panic. Then I listened for exactly one minute to Oprah Winfrey’s voice on my Oprah/Chopra meditation. She said everything is made of energy EVERTHING (as she draws out that word) and if you put out to the Universe all your energy towards something, the Universe will rise to meet you. That’s all I heard and in an instant I felt calm and at peace. I realized that whatever the scan said, I would handle it and make a new plan if need be to reach my goal of beating this. I decided I didn’t need to be scared of the next thing because it’s going to happen regardless of what I am scared of. What I CAN do is handle each new piece of information as a guide towards reclaiming my health. Living a life full of anxiety I can’t tell you how joyful I felt with that power. Charles had been in the shower during my little transformation and as he stood in front of me, worried and scared I held his hands facing him with a deranged grin no doubt  and said, “it’s going to be all right no matter what the scan says. We are going to be fine, we’ve got this.” He looked at me like – who came and stole my wife! Needless to say in full disclosure, I did fully wet my pants while walking into MD Anderson that morning, not kidding. I was still nervous, but not scared. I know, TMI but I just have to share these things because if you have to sit for 45 minutes in pee filled jeans and you are 44 and sober, you just have to laugh.

Here I am getting into the car tonight which was a challenge with the pain and laughter combined.

Becca and Beth

Nite nite,
xoxo Hilary

Waiting for biopsy!

Hi Everyone,
A quick update tonight. I heard back from Dr. Javle (MDA Dr.) after he met with an MDA surgeon to see if he thought I was a candidate for surgery at this time and the surgeon said no. This was not a surprise to me but I was peeved that I got a one line email with this news from Javle instead of a phone call so we could discuss it more in depth. I was under the impression there would be a team meeting on this subject including radiologists and apparently this was not the case. Javle and I did get a chance to talk by phone and after pressing him to weigh in with his personal opinion regarding surgery he said he did want me to have surgery to the liver and has set up an appointment for me to get a second opinion with Dr. Steve Curley who is with Baylor Medical Clinic (formerly at MDA). This appointment will happen this coming Tuesday. In the meantime there is another surgeon I want to contact as well so we have several opinions to go from. We have all heard if not said or experienced that you must be your own advocate in health matters and believe me, navigating all this is not for the faint of heart. I am grateful for my somewhat bossy, pushy side because without it I would be far less informed.

The second thing that is in the works is a clinical trial I am trying to qualify for based in Maryland. It’s an Immunotherapy trial and we learned about it from a New York Times article. I am in the process of seeing if I qualify for the trial and there are various hoops to get through before consideration. I did a blood draw today and tomorrow will go in for liver biopsy #3 (ding, ding) so we can send the tissue to the trial people as part of meeting the consideration criteria (don’t ask me what they are looking for in the tissue because I don’t remember but they need a whole bunch of it so another biopsy was in order). While they’re in there fishing for tissue in my liver we are also going to send some tissue off to a place that will try to establish the origin of my cancer. We are assuming it is bile duct cancer but if we can determine with certainty where it originated that will help me on the clinical trial front since trials are created with certain criteria including that all participants have the same type of cancer.
Here is the New York Times article if you are interested:
http://nyti.ms/1kPowfQ
And the abstract (Thank you cousin Jennifer)
http://www.sciencemag.org/content/344/6184/641.abstract

In other news my kids got out of school today, they had a fantastic year and we are looking forward to the lazy days of summer. I can’t imagine this year without the amazing support of Phin and Charlotte’s teachers. I have such gratitude to them for the way they loved and cared for our kids and took extra time and energy to ensure they were navigating their days with ease and comfort. I could weep thinking about they joy and peace of mind it gave me knowing Phin and Charlotte got to go to school each day and just be kids.

We are all also eagerly awaiting the arrival of baby boy Dobberfuhl any day now. The due date is May 28. I can’t wait to get my hands on that baby, those that know me well know how I adore babies. I learned with the arrival of my nephew Henley that the beauty of being an aunt is that when they cry as newborns your don’t jump out of your skin like a wild animal trying to protect your young. That cry just rolls off you as you leisurely saunter over to the baby to see what may be bothering him or even chuckle to yourself at how cute he looks with his face all scrunched up. No getting your panties in a wad, stressed out that you must immediately stop the baby from crying lest you either toss it across the room or dissolve on the floor in tears of exhaustion. Yes, being an Auntie is a role I absolutely cherish. Bring it baby D – we’re ready for you! And I’m sure Eileen who is carrying baby D is also ready for him to debut. I will keep you informed.

Charles and I will be celebrating our 11th Anniversary this Saturday, May 24. We take turns planning the day, Charles has odd years and I have even. I’ll have to wait to see what’s in store for us! This year feels extra special because of what we are going through. It’s like marriage in technicolor – more vivid and alive and pretty wonderful. I love my man.

Time to toddle off to bed as my father-in-law says.
Nite, nite.
xoxo Hilary

First of all thank you so much to everyone that ponied up for the chemo cheering in the next few months! We still have some spots left in July and August.

Hilary’s next chemo day is Friday, May 30th. Wendy Nakfoor is leading the cheer and her theme is “A Hilary Moment”.

A Hilary Moment
Some of us are new friends and some are old, but we can all write about a moment with Hilary that stands out. When we first met her, when we laughed so hard we almost wet our pants, when we were young and stupid or wise and she inspired us. Hopefully these stories will fill up her chemo day with happy thoughts and memories and the time will go by faster.

Thank you all for participating! xo becca

Good Morning –

We are all basking in the good news from Hilary’s visit this week to MD Anderson. I had a feeling it would be positive but all tumors responding was really amazing.

It’s been 6 months of chemo and the doctor has ordered 3 more months so I need your help to keep Hills up as she embarks on this next chapter of chemo. She truly LOVES the chemo cheer. You all have done such an amazing job in creating thoughtful, funny, meaningful cheers that have made such a difference in her chemo experience. Right now we have MANY open slots for chemo cheer leaders and I need your help. Next friday is open, May 16th is open, May 30th is open and all of June. I know this is a busy time with school ending and summer beginning but it doesn’t have to be a BIG thing. It can be very simple. I can help with ideas. If you are out of town I can help with presentation. The last cheer was lead by Jill Wynne in San Francisco and she put a book together of your submissions and had it fed-exed to Hills and I gave it to her yesterday. Jill thank you so much for leading! We ended up not doing your cheer and are saving for next week in case that slot does not get filled.

Katie Marye came and sat with Hills yesterday since insurance got in the way of chemo happening on April 28th. Katie’s theme was Music and so FUN to see the book she put together and the “mixed tape” with album covers of some great oldies. I left chemo to get Hills some lunch from one of her favorite places, The Steeping Room, and came back to her with a huge smile on her face listening to all the music y’all submitted. Thank you Katie and all who contributed to the Music theme.

If you have an idea but don’t want to lead, send me an email. If you want to sit with Hills and need help with leading send me an email. Sitting with Hills is such a great experience and it can be for a long or short time. Whatever you can give. She loves to have company. Or if you want to do a cheer but can’t sit no problem, just email me – becbrudobb@gmail.com.

Cheers to Date:

Hugs, Angels, Humor, Love, Inspiration, Patience, Selfies, Pay It Forward, Choose Joy, Music, Cultivating Calm and Peace.

Let keep up the Cheer!

xo bec

Hi Everyone,

Well I could write a lot about the last day and a half and keep you on pins and needles or I could cut to the chase. I am going to cut to the chase since good news is hard to keep under wraps.

We met this morning with Dr. Javle at MDA and here is what we learned:
No new growth of cancer
All liver lesions and abdominal lymph nodes (meaning all places they have seen cancer on a scan) have shrunk 25-50% from the last scan in February.
I will stay on my current treatment plan as I am not experiencing any side effects from it.
Dr. Javle will meet with his team in Houston on Monday to review my case to see if I am a candidate for radiation, ablation or surgery to the liver. This is exciting because 3 months ago this was not even a consideration.

We are so grateful and happy with this news and I know that all of your prayers, energy, light and love are a big part of this great news, so thank you for being on team Hilary. I FEEL all the love and positive energy and I love you all for loving us so sweetly.

Yippie. We’re on the right track!!

xoxo Hilary