I went back to chemo on Tuesday. Same drugs, same place, same cancer. My mom came to sit with me and it went by uneventfully. The smells of the infusion room, all of them make me want to hurl but happily I kept my cookies in. I walked to chemo with friend Kate Romm and her dog Gracie and my dog Mikey. We walked and talked and pretended that I wasn’t walking to chemo and it was an excellent way to distract me. Kate ambitiously walked both dogs back to my house (Mikey isn’t dreamy on the leash) so this was truly a labor of love, thank you Kate!
The rest of Tuesday was icky as in I felt icky. Charles spent all day Tuesday in the Austin airport trying to get to Raleigh, NC which he finally did in the evening and he was out of town until late last night. The timing wasn’t optimal but certainly doable. Wednesday was another ick day, tired, slightly queasy and full of turtle type movements complete with snappy behavior on my part. Phin and Charlotte definitely felt the weight of chemo mom. I can’t imagine the weight they carry with all this. They function incredibly well but I know when they see me feeling unwell it’s a steep drop into a familiar and unwanted reality. Charles and I hate this but there isn’t any way for us to do it other than to walk through it and watch them walk through it too. It sure prickles sometimes though.
Thursday, day 3 can be my worst day but after a morning of feeling not so great, the rest of the day was pretty darn good. Today, Friday I feel really good (minus the constipation if you must know) and I feel ready to tackle some other treatment plans.
I wanted to take a few lines here to share with you a little something my friend Miles Smith is up to tomorrow. I’ve known Miles since I was little. As the older brother of my childhood friend, Dana (Smith) Valentine, he’s seen me through all my phases. I spent a ridiculous amount of time in the Smith/Valentine homes and for better or for worse, Miles got a lot of face time with me. Dana and I lurked around his parties when we were way too little to partake, and lingered more when we were a little older, he took us to a George Thorogood Concert with his best friend Charlie when we were about 12 or 13 and they didn’t pay any attention to us. We remained unscathed but seriously, that is not the crowd you want your little sister and her dumb ass friend in. Miles and I had fights like siblings and we also became friends as we aged up. We both lived in the Bay Area at the same time and Miles brought us the amazing Frannie who did our pre-marital counseling, helped up plan our wedding ceremony and baptized Phin. We have roots.
Dana’s family has always been my family for as long as I can remember. When Phoebe, Dana, Miles, Tyson and Shelley’s mother got cancer for the second time in her early 50’s, we all thought she’d conquer it like she did 10 years before. Except she didn’t. It was a profound loss. Dana and I were in our mid 20’s and it shaped them all having that early loss. Phoebe was a force, she was complex and devoted, outspoken and fervent. She was also the mom of one of my best friends and her death was shocking. I’d never been witness nor bystander to such grief. I was in it, around it and tried to dodge it for I didn’t know what to do with it. She was 52, it was unfair.
Looking back now, I can tell you the reason Dana’s family is my family is because they let me in. I was part of family discussions, kitchen dance parties, horrible disappointments, firsts, lasts and lots of messy life. Miles, to his credit, could have spent an eternity finding me the annoying friend of his youngest sister, I was privy to a lot of family stuff and he could have forever resented me for that. I’m grateful we went a different path.
Tomorrow Miles is doing something really pretty awesome. He’s doing the
Swim Across America Open Water Bay Area swim to raise money for cancer.
Swimming Choppy, cold SF Bay swim takes BALLS!
Miles is swimming in honor of 3 people:
His mother Phoebe
His family friend Harry of Boston
and me
I am very honored by this because I know there’s big love behind it. I wish Phoebe was here to see what kick ass kids she raised but I know she already knew that. Thank you Miles for including me in this special group, I am truly touched and will be with you tomorrow.
If you would care to donate to Miles’s cause, here is the link, it’s super easy.
http://www.swimacrossamerica.org/site/TR/OpenWater/SanFrancisco?px=1597514&pg=personal&fr_id=4764
Here is Miles with some of the swimmers that will be in his pod tomorrow. (Miles is on the far left)
Have a great weekend and GO MILES!
xoxo,
Hilary