May 2014 – Page 2 – Hilary Love

Hi Everyone,

We spent this past weekend on the Texas Coast at Cinnamon Shores with Becca’s family and our friends the Todds. We have come to love this place, this being our second visit and so do our kids. Despite lots of red seaweed – the waves were kind the weather was breezy and sunny except one day and it was relaxing for all except for the Todds whose baby didn’t want to sleep much.

Two weeks ago we spent the week in North Carolina at the Outer Banks with old and dear friends, the Reeds, Valentine/Sarandos’ and the Goldman’s. In addition we got to meet and get to know 3 other wonderful families all from Vermont. What treat it was to be in such a beautiful place, off season where it was mellow and serene. I love most to be by the ocean. It is full of life and energy, light and sound. I feel joy on a cellular level. My energy was really great and this lead me to go on daily runs with some combination of friends, Dana, Jenny and Becca. (not sister Becca), Dana being the catalyst to getting me out there every day. I have not been running and am not in running shape but one day we did 4.5 miles and although the pace was slow, I could do it and it felt like slipping on my former self. For that I am truly grateful. Running while talking to my oldest friends was a luxury I did not take for granted. I have continued to run and did so at Cinnamon Shores on the beach, another treat for me.

Treatments have been off first due to low neutrophils when I couldn’t get the second part of round 6 then due to a change of our insurance and out trip to the North Carolina for the second part of round 7. I finally got part two of round 7 last Thursday, almost a week off schedule. I am due to start round 8 this Friday.

Tomorrow Charles comes with me to Houston – MD Anderson to get scans and meet with Dr. Javle. We leave early tomorrow morning with check in at 10:30 for blood work then check in for scans at 2:40pm. Thursday morning we’ll meet with Dr. Javle to get the results. Scared? Yup. I am getting a scan of my pelvis, chest and abdomen which is more places than I got scanned last time but this is good because we need to know what’s happening in all those places (says scared Hills to herself). Knowledge is power. If there is one thing I know, it’s that I will not let my fear get in the way of my healing. I very often remind myself this is not a sprint, but a marathon. I can be patient. In fact, in order for me to learn, to grow through this experience, I know I must tread slowly. If you want to send collective prayers and support to me around scan time then plan for around 3:30 Central Time. I will be breathing deeply trying to keep myself from falling into the abyss of worry. I am a seasoned worrier and I am working on letting go of that pattern since it doesn’t serve me well. Fear and worry are companions I no longer want around because they keep me from being present. Charles always says to me when he sees me drifting away in a mental cloud of worry – today, today, today, just be in today. I’ll tell you, today was a good day. I walked with my sister and friend Beth around Town Lake, I meditated with Beth at my house with Deepak and Oprah, I stretched out on the rug with our cat and brushed his fur to thin his coat while he purred, I watched Henley and Charlotte giggle and chase each other around Becca’s yard with pure delight, I got to see and chat with my mom, I got to sit outside with friends Clayton and Andrew on a perfect Austin evening on their back patio watching our children play outside, and I didn’t have to make dinner for my kids thanks to Becca and Clayton who fed Charlotte and Phin respectively. Thank you ladies.

I think I’ll just bask in the glow of my good day and let the dawn of a new day greet me when it comes. I feel good, really good in my life. I feel happy and hopeful and blessed.

A few pictures from the past few weeks. Once again I have let too much time lapse between posts. I’ll try to improve on this.

Outer Banks