This is from Becca (Hilary’s sister) reaching out to all of you want to be part of Hilary’s ongoing “Chemo Cheer.”  Clia Tierney came up with the great idea to have “Chemo Cheerleaders” for Hilary each time she goes to chemotherapy. Meredith Lamme, here in Austin, has been heading this up the last few months. THANK YOU Meredith!! We decided to make it simpler we would use the Saltzman Family CareCalendar for future Cheer baskets.

First of all, what is Chemo Cheer? and a Cheer Captain? 

• A basket, bag, box or something to hold the “Cheer”
• A collection of things and or thoughts from friends and family (CHEERLEADERS)
• A theme for each “Cheer”
• A Captain or Team Leader for each “Cheer” to decide the theme, round up the cheerleaders and deliver the basket
• The surprise “Cheer” is dropped off at Texas Oncology the morning of Hilary’s chemo (Texas Oncology – Midtown is located at 901 W. 38th St, Suite #200 – (512) 421-4100)
• All to make Hilary’s spirit soar in the face of chemo

Anyone who wants to be a Cheer Captain (come up with a theme, collect the cheer and bring a basket to chemo for Hilary) please go to the Saltzman Family CareCalendar and sign up. In Red on the CareCalendar it will say (Chemo Cheer Leader) click here. If Green someone has already signed up. Chemo is generally on Friday mornings but sometimes Thursdays and the times vary. The chemo days on the carecalendar may slightly change.  The infusion center has a rule of one visitor with Hilary during chemo. Hilary often has friends visiting from out of town for chemo so you may or may not get to sit with her (if you want and have time). If you are out of town or can’t physically get to TX Oncology to drop off a basket but can drop off or send to my house I am happy to bring to Hilary since I go most mornings with her for the first 45 mins of each chemo day when she sees her doctor/PA.

If you want to be included on a Cheer; if the calendar is already filled up with Cheer Captains.

Once you sign up and know what your theme is, please email me so I can pass along to some family and friends that like to participate in many of the “cheers.”

Thank you all for making this fun and supporting Hilary.

Best – Becca

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick update on our visit to MD Anderson. We just got back to Austin and thank you Becca & Steven, Clayton and Bailey for helping out with our kids. It’s so reassuring to know your children are in good hands when you can’t be there.

I had my scan yesterday and met today with Dr. Javle for the results. I was a wreck and really scared he would say it’s grown more despite the fact that I have had less pain and have been feeling good. Scan days are just plain scary. To our relief, the news was good. They have ruled out pancreatic cancer 100% and now think it’s bile duct although there is not a way to know if this is for sure it’s origin, at least not at this point. There has been 10-20% shrinkage of most of the cancer that resides in the liver and lymph nodes. Dr. Javle wants to keep the same course of treatment for now and basically treat it as a chronic condition. I of course want more – I want to be able to shrink it enough to have surgery on the liver and wherever else we can get to in order to remove the cancer. For now, I will have to be patient.

So the good news is that it’s shrinking. I was able to revel in this fact for a few hours and of course now that I am home and back to reality it is harder to hold on to that joy for some reason. I habitually say –  yes that’s great but…and then go off into something counter-productive. Part of my journey is to stay in the moment, enjoy the highs and not stomp on them with the what ifs. So yippie! We are headed in the right direction – and that truly is a blessing.

Tomorrow I will start round 4 of chemo. I wish all of you a Happy Valentine’s Day! Hug all your peeps, tell them you love them and don’t wait for a holiday to share with the people you care about how much they mean to you.

A friend of mine sent me a blog post of a cancer survivor she knows and in this post I read a mantra that really resonated with me and I say it often.

Thank you God for this day, this hour, this now. All is well, all is well and all will be well.

It’s a reminder for me to live in the now and to know I will be ok. Seemingly simple isn’t it? I know for me it takes a lot of work.

Thank you to all of you near and far for your prayers, your love, your total support of me and my family. I know that this is helping me heal. Please keep it coming, and thank you for being on my team. We rock!

xoxo Hilary

Thank you Carrie McDowell for the sweet armor!

Hi Everyone,

I have had a really wonderful 2 weeks bathing in the after-glow of Molly and Charlotte’s visit. Normalcy is something I have taken for granted in the past and now it’s something I cherish. I long for normalcy and these last two weeks weeks were such a gift as I had a break from the reality of my situation and all the light and love came shining through.

I had an amazing surprise too this past week which added immensely to my joy factor. At around 2:45 in the afternoon this past Thursday my doorbell rang and to my total shock stood two of my high school friends, Brian and Sean. Seriously? As if that wasn’t surprise enough two more friends arrived that night, Neil and Brendan. What?!! I am so truly touched that these for boys, (ok, men) would coordinate their schedules and pull off this surprise just to check in and brighten my world. I hope you guys know how much I loved every minute with you and how amazingly special you made me feel. I still can’t get over that you all came to Austin together but I am so happy that you did. Thank you for loving on me so sweetly, I love you all.

The next two days are going to be nerve wracking as I head to MD Anderson for scans. I won’t lie, my knees are knocking. My scan is at 5:00 pm Central time today so if you are wanting to send out prayers, light, love, good ju-ju then please send it around then as I will need all your positive energy! I will meet with Dr. Javle on Thursday morning to go over the results at 10:30.

On a nostalgic note I was driving in my car yesterday and the song Night Moves by Bob Seger came on. For those of you who know the Stanley family, you know Night Moves is their family anthem. Hearing that song yesterday reminded me of the Christmas dance parties at the Stanley house with Mr. Stanley and Zan dancing together and this song coming on and knowing it had special meaning. It also reminded me of our group of friends, Neil, Brendan, Sean and Brian being part of that group – and how many good times we have had together over the years and how very blessed I am to have such close ties to all these people I love.

I’ll leave you a story about the universe. Before Christmas this past year, my parents, my sister’s family and my family sponsored a family in need through Foundation Communities here in Austin. We were given a family with a single mother and two children ages 19 and early 20’s. The families in need were asked to provide a short list of some of the items they would like to receive as gifts and we dropped them off to Foundation Communities and they wrapped them and delivered them. We had committed to this before my diagnosis. One of the things our assigned family asked for was to help towards an electricity bill, with a balance of $1000. The mother was making monthly payments. Our three families together purchased a few gift cards for the mother and her children that they had requested, then Charles and I decided we wanted to share and pay forward the generosity that we had received through so many of you, and decided to pay off her entire balance directly to the electric company.

I wrote a note to the mother and told her of my diagnosis, of the generosity of those that love me and my family, of all the support I have and that I know things can seem tough but I hoped she would cherish her health, her family and the simple things in life. I told her I wanted to pay forward the kindness that we had experienced through our trials and share that with her by paying off her electricity bill balance. Yesterday I received a thank you note from her which was 2 pages back to front long. She told me she had been struggling with her faith, worrying about her family, feeling she didn’t have enough. She said sometimes she forgets that it just takes asking for help and being able to receive. She wrote that our generosity was a reminder to keep her faith. She thanked my whole family and thanked me for my generous spirit despite going through a difficult time. She told me I am in her thoughts and prayers and then she enclosed a gift to “keep your spirits high” She made me a medicine bag, with hands on the bottom to offer support and keep me protected during this time. Inside the bag is a piece of rose quartz – the stone of love. The note, the gifts, and most of all her spirit was so kind, generous and loving, I had tears streaming down my face as I read her note, To me, this is the Universe at work. The arrival of her heartfelt note, so eloquently written along with her gifts arrives the day before I head to Houston. When I am so shaky this blessing comes along out of the blue. Pretty amazing.

Love, love, love is all around me – hold me dear friends over the next two days, lend me your strength.

xoxo Hilary

Neil, Hilary, Brendan, Sean, Brian

Walking with the boys

“Benny and the Jets”

The gifts

Good Morning!

It’s 4:00am and unfortunately I woke up and can’t fall back asleep. I just went outside to see if I could retrieve our cat Benjie otherwise known as Tootie, as its 29 degrees outside and I thought he may be cold out there. He did not appear so he must have found a cozy, safe spot, he is an animal after all and they are good at those sorts of things.

We humans sometimes aren’t always as good at finding our cozy spots, finding places we feel safe and protected. We tend to put self-care on the back burner, especially those of us raising a family or pursuing a busy career. This past weekend I was reminded of the importance of self-care. Self-care to me is really about feeding your inner desires for comfort, rejuvenation, curiosity and calm. Reading, writing, exchanging information with friends on a deep meaningful  level, baths, meditation, long walks, yoga, any form of exercise, massage, stillness – all of these things are self-care tools for me.

This past weekend my two dear friends Molly Carroll and Charlotte Hardwick came to see me. We met in San Francisco 10 years ago and they are both Godparents to my Charlotte. Talk about positive energy! These girls have it in spades. I am still radiating in the after-glow. House smudging, crystals, potions, massage, walks, 4 hour coffees at Texas French Bread, Runes readings (go look it up if you aren’t familiar), many tears, hugs, and so much laughter. The visit felt like being pulled into an embrace that made all your worries fade away. I got such strength from these two not to mention love. They were my family in San Francisco when none of us had family close by, they are my family still.  

The weekend was a reminder to me that we have the power to do so much for ourselves if we make it priority. You can go towards darkness or seek out the light. Seek being an important notion to me since those who seek are apt to grow in ways that non-seekers will not. It’s the journey we’re on that yields the most useful information and growth. Being curious, being open.

Thank you Mols and Char Char for coming out here for 4 days and leaving your families, work and lives to be with my family. Once again I am awed and humbled really at the love surrounding us both near and far. Charles and I are so very grateful to all of you for holding us in the light and loving us through this. There is no greater gift.

On a brass tacks note, the biopsy did happen a week ago Monday. It went fine. The tissue has gone to Boston for genetic testing and those results take a few weeks. I am “off” chemo this week and head to MD Anderson next week on the 12-13 for scans and a meeting with Dr. Javle. Knowledge is power has been my mantra. Assuming we are on the right track with my treatment, I will start round 4 of chemo on February 14.

I am tolerating the chemo very well so far. I have gained 3 pounds – yippie! I am extremely excited to kick the shit out of this disease and move on to other things in my life. As I have said to my kids and to myself, this is a marathon not a sprint and I must be patient.

I am including some photos from the weekend with Molly and Charlotte as well as a video of me that makes me laugh each time I watch it.

xoxo Hills

http://vimeo.com/86033805 -link to funny video of me- not sure if this will work!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM&feature=share – link to awesome music video Charlotte Hardwick sent to me – a way to feel HAPPY! Thanks Char Char! xoxo