Today as it turns out was not the day for me to start chemo. I woke up early for my procedure (endoscopy to remove stent) and just felt like no, I am not feeling right with this today, so I’m going to go with my gut and not do it today. It felt too rushed and I don’t like rushing into things, especially when it has to do with my health.

I may go in next Monday or the Monday after that or not at all, I am still deciding. I know this seems crazy to many of you and it just may well be me being crazy but I think in all fairness to myself, I am not crazy for wanting to feel good about my decisions. Going in today felt like I was rushing towards something just because I thought I should.

The removal of the stent went well. My family got up at the crack of dawn to get me to the procedure, blankets and PJ’s for Phin and Char in the back seat. Sainted sister Becca met me there at 6:30 am to be there before and after. The people at Dr. Gagneja’s office were so very kind and I was rolling out of there by 7:30am.

That’s the latest. I am at home taking it easy per my discharge instructions and giving myself permission to just be today and not figure anything out.

xoxo

Hello!
I have been MIA. My apologies. It’s been all about one foot in front of the other these days so things that require extra effort just aren’t happening.

I should do a longer in depth post but that energy thing is keeping me from doing so. If you dislike long posts then this one will please you!

After 12 days in the hospital I got out and followed up with both my surgeon and my MDA oncologist, Dr. Javle. The path report from surgery was a bummer for us as it revealed two things that weren’t expected. One was that the tumor my surgeon removed was bifocal which means there were 2 other cancerous tumors hiding behind the one we already knew about. He took them all out. The second piece of unwanted news was that when inspecting these tumors there appeared to me microscopic vascular invasion which means stray cancer cells my be going into my lymph system again. We don’t know this for sure. This is enough of a concern that my MDA doctor wants me to go back on chemo.

I feared he would recommend this and I have struggled, truly struggled with what to do. I do have other more integrative people I discuss these things with and without going into it now, there are some other options that seem way more appealing to me. The issue is I would need to get these other options put into play within the next two weeks and I don’t think I can pull that off.

So my MDA oncologist has recommended 8 rounds (4 months) of modified FOLFOX
oxaliplatin 85 mg/ over 2 hours on day 1
5-Fluorouracil 2400 mg continuous infusion over 46 hours starting on day 1
I have a week on then a week off, repeat.

This would be a new drug treatment for me and a new infusion schedule. I have not had the good fortune until now to go home with a “fanny pack” of medicine that slowly drips into my body for 2 full days. I want to do this as much as I want to drive nails through my finger tips with a hammer. I simply believe my body and immune system are not real happy with this type of treatment, whatever particular drugs they are. So I have committed to the first round which starts tomorrow. Everything past that is on a let me decide when I get there basis. I will not do 8 rounds. I think that’s too many. Four seems reasonable, unless that’s too many. In the meantime I will be plotting my other plans for treatment which do not involve chemo but could include some off label drugs. More on this as it evolves.

Before chemo tomorrow morning I will get up at 5:00 am and go to see Dr. Gagneja who put a temporary stent in my bile duct when I was in the hospital in Austin. He did this so all that bile that was swirling around my liver could drain out. Tomorrow morning at 6:30 I will get the stent out which is a much easier process then it was to get put in. It’s in his office and out patient and I will be under the influence of the “Micheal Jackson” drug. It will be similar to an endoscopy and non-invasive (no slicing me open).

So stent removal and chemo is what is on my Monday morning schedule. I’ve been tired, depressed, pissed off and generally not in a good place. I am clawing my way out a little each day. Charles too has been in the depths so if you are reading this and you are one of his close peeps, he could use some people to drag him towards the light.

I will get to where I want to be, cancer free. The path has so many damn thorny branches that it’s hard to see past them to the blazing light. I have Faith it’s there even if I can’t see it right now.

Nite nite,
Sweet dreams,
xoxo
Hilary

Thank you to everyone who has asked about giving to the Saltzmans, honestly your support has made a HUGE difference in Hilary’s healing. I wanted to give you all a bit more information on the healing services as well as an option to give to a General Healing Fund and not have to choose. Below are the costs of the services that support Hilary’s healing. Giving $50 (1 yoga session), $75 (1 acupuncture session), $100 (1+ massage to keep Charles in check), $125 (1/2 week of healing food) to the General Fund is a great way to help them now!

Sage Acupuncture ($75/session) – Hilary goes 1 or 2 times a week. – Michelle – 512-968-2605 http://reproductiveacupuncture.com

Massage for Hilary and Charles – ($85 for 60 minutes) a perfect stress reduction once month – Negeen Mosely – South Congress Massage – 512-445-7455 www.socomassage.com

Food for health- Shahnaz ($250/week) – Shahnaz Baday – 512-905-3228 email: mamashahnaz@gmail.com

Restorative Yoga ($50/session) Hilary has worked with Upma since her diagnosis Upma Chauhan – 617-435-4358 – Hilary goes once a week.

Energy Work ($120/session) – Jacqueline Chan – 415-717-9954 and she prefers a text message. Hilary uses this as needed.

Therapy ($125 session) – once a week.

Give to a General Fund – You can send funds directly to Charles’ PayPal account. There are no fees if paying from “friend to friend” if inside the US. 1- You need to create an account of your own (free) if you do not already have. 2- Once you have an account you “send to family and friends” to Charles’ PayPal account which is: csaltzman00@gmail.com 3- then you chose an amount you want to send and if you want to send a note.

Log onto: www.paypal.com (to sign into your PayPal account or to create one)

If you want to give anonymously – you can send to my PayPal account and I will make sure the funds are sent to Hilary’s General Healing Fund. My PayPal account is: becbrudobb@gmail.com – My address is Becca Dobberfuhl, 1905 Eva Street, Austin, TX 78704 if you want to send me a check.

Another option is to contribute to Hilary’s GoFundMe site (NOTE: this site charges 8%) so if you want all the funds to go directly to Hilary please use the PayPal account. http://www.gofundme.com/5fza28

As always THANK YOU!! xo becca

Thank you to everyone who has asked for ways to give to Hilary. She is going to ramp up all her integrative care which comes out of pocket, sadly insurance does not cover. Many have asked how you can help and honestly the best way is financially contributing to these extra expenses. These are ongoing expenses for their family that are an extra financial strain but crucial to Hilary’s well-being. Below are some services that I know she would love help on. I would recommend calling or emailing and asking if you can buy a gift certificate or if not then can send money directly to the vendor/person.

Hilary goes to Michelle for acupuncture regularly and this is a wonderful gift that she will use. Sage Acupuncture – Michelle – 512-968-2605  http://reproductiveacupuncture.com

Massage for Hilary and Charles – a perfect stress reduction – Negeen Mosely – South Congress Massage – 512-445-7455 www.socomassage.com

Food for health- Shahnaz has cooked for Hilary in the past and knows a lot about food and cancer – Shahnaz Baday – 512-905-3228 email: mamashahnaz@gmail.com

Restorative Yoga – Hilary has worked with Upma since her diagnosis Upma Chauhan – 617-435-4358

Energy Work – Jacqueline Chan – 415-717-9954 and she prefers a text message.

If anyone wants to give anonymously you can send me a check and I can then give Hilary the cash. Or if there is something specific you want to do feel free to contact me and I will do my best to help out. Becca Dobberfuhl 512-633-8359 or becbrudobb@gmail.com

Thank you all again for all the love and support!  xo becca