When you are in dark times, if you are lucky you have many around you that will drag you towards the light. I am one of the lucky ones. There are way too many people to mention by name here but I did want to acknowledge a few people that really helped this week.
Katharine Lord, my PA from Dr Fain’s office (my local oncologist) was the first person I contacted when my family told me I looked yellow. I sent her a photo and she immediately replied I needed to be checked out. She has been a constant supporter and has fielded many calls, texts, and office visits from me which go well beyond the scope of her job. Katharine knows me best as a practitioner and I rely on her considerably. I am especially lucky that we have become friends outside of cancer. She champions my treatment and recovery but most of all, she champions my soul, and holds me in a space that few can.
Michelle Schreiber from Sage Acupuncture. Michelle and I have been working together from the start of my diagnosis. She has seen every stage of this journey and witnessed all the highs and the lows with me. When I had a headache in the hospital and could find no relief Michelle came to see me, twice to give me acupressure and help ease my burden. Her first visit was in the evening after a full day and she dropped everything to come and help. When she first walked through the door and I saw her I just felt relief. Knowing she was there made me feel better already. Michelle has been another supporter of mine and we too have grown to be friends. She is a wonderful healer and her support has been crucial to my healing.
Ashley Blake came into our lives 6 years ago when we moved to Austin via friend and neighbor Kathryn Anderson in the form of a babysitter. She quickly became not only our kids favorite sitter but a part of our family. Ashley is light and love in and goodness and kick ass awesomeness in a 5′ 2″ frame. She is wise and driven and loyal and can do anything she sets her mind to. As co-owner of the gluten-free company Bona Dea she has plenty on her plate but she whipped up a meal for us tonight that was brimming with health, taste and love. She is a fabulous cook. Carrot Ginger soup topped with Dukkah and Kitcharee with mung beans and rice, bean and cheese quesadillas for the kiddos and grape jelly made with wild mustang grapes she and her husband Zak picked in Travis Heights and gluten free oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, vegan brownies and Teff Bread. Really? Thank you Ashley for shining your light on us. We adore you.
http://bonadeaglutenfree.com/
Paige Reynolds – the project? I can’t go into detail or else it will blow a surprise I have for a friend but dear childhood friend Paige and I had a conversation in Vermont about a little something I wanted to do for someone else. It involved sewing and a little vision I had about wanting to help a family. We talked about my idea once and never again and on the one day I was home from the hospital in Houston a box arrived with the project we had discussed. Perfectly executed and beautifully sewn just like I had envisioned. I so admire my friend’s talents and Paige has many but what makes my breath catch is the love and kindness behind the act. That to me is some sort of grace. Thank you Paige. They are perfect.
One more mention. Many of you know I have had the benefit of a fantastic therapist since diagnosis. Elizabeth helped my move mountains and listened when I ran to hide behind them too. She and her family moved away from Austin this summer which was a real loss for me. Today she was at the Academy of Sciences with her kids, a place my kids and I spent countless hours in when we lived in SF. We could walk there from our flat and the way we walked was always through the Rose Garden in Golden Gate Park. With the Redwood trees along one side and a little woodsy area Phin, Char and I spent hours floating around the roses, drinking in that cool San Francisco air, collecting bugs and sticks and rose petals. I told her she was so close to one of my favorite spots and less than an hour later she sent me this. No words Elizabeth. Thank you.
And here it is in 2008 on one of our many trips:
There are many meals I missed but my family got to enjoy and I know equal love and effort went into those deliveries.
All of this kindness reminds me about showing up. It’s so easy to just show up. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a great cook or a seamstress or come bearing extravagant gifts. That’s not the point. It’s the human connection. We have wonderful neighbors on both sides and Barbara on one side watered our outside plants while I was in the hospital (thank you Barbara!) and Julie on the other has been lovingly referring to me as her sunflower (my yellow glow from high bilirubin). There have been thousands of ways people have showed up in my life since this all started and it is all those small gestures that keep my spirit strong.
I still hug all the medical people I come into contact with (there were a few missed ones when I was too ill) but this morning the doctor that rounded on me in the hospital was a man I had never met. He pulled my blood work up from earlier that morning on the computer and then motioned for me to stand beside him and look at the results. He then went on to explain in details the results. This is an experience I have never had in the hospital. As he was getting ready to leave my room I gave him a hug. He hugged me back and walked towards the door, then he turned towards me before walking out and said “A hug, it’s been so long since I’ve gotten a hug, thank you.”
Nite nite,
Hug your peeps, count your blessings and sleep tight.
xoxo
Hilary