Hi Everyone,
It has been too long once again. I am keeping it brief as I am truly exhausted and my bed is practically chasing after me begging me to lie down.
This next request feels a little bit like those prayers you send up when you are in a real bind and really need help like pronto, however I’m going to put it out there anyway. I have a PET scan tomorrow here in Austin at roughly 9:30am. I have been off treatment for 6 weeks and now I get the scans the surgeon requested to make sure I am still a candidate for surgery. This means we are hoping everything is stable with no new areas of cancer. The wait for this has been really tough for me, especially the last week or so. So please keep me in your prayers tomorrow, send light, love, energy, and chi my way. I will not know the results until Thursday and will keep you posted on what I find out. I go to Houston next Monday the 15th for an MRI and CT scan then meet with the surgeon, Dr. Curley on the 16th so he can go over all the scan results and hopefully set a date for surgery.
In an effort to trick my body into relaxing today I did something new. I went and floated in a floatation tank filled with salt water. You float on your back and experience a zero gravity feeling. It’s quite trippy really. I was so tired today from staying up too late last night and waking up too early that I was sort of already in an altered state of consciousness. Once in the tank I even forgot to be mildly freaked out that I was floating in an egg filled with water with a closed lid that made me feel like I was in a coffin (a brief thought I had). A true testament to my exhaustion or the powers of relaxation the tank provides, I fell fast asleep in my little pod for an hour. When I woke up I was a little confused about my surrounding and where I was exactly with respect to the exit hatch. I was told one hour of sleep in the tank is the equivalent to 3 hours of sleep in a bed. Really? OK, I’ll buy it. The jury is still out for me if this is a worthwhile method for relaxing but there’s one other place in Austin that does this so I’m going to try it there too. I have a feeling Charles would love it. I think today I’m just a wee bit cynical so may not be the best judge of anything.
I am truly excited to get this show on the road, get surgery and move though, up over and onward. I am pretty scared deep down that the scans will reveal something new but I think the reality that is what always happens around scan time.
I miss all my people, summer has been grand, truly but getting back to routine and connecting with friends here is really good for me. I miss chemo a bit if the truth be told because it was such a fun social event and I got so many visitors. I think I got a little used to all that 🙂 I am extremely happy that Shahnaz is back in our kitchen once a week after not being here the past 2 months. She is taking care of me in so many ways though her knowledge about food as medicine and her physical presence in our home is it’s own kind of medicine for me. Upma is back from India and she and I have been back to work in her yoga studio. Being back in the studio for the first time 2 weeks ago was a sort of out of body experience for me. Much like Shahnaz, Upma has taken such good care of me and knows what I need both physically and spiritually. Her studio, her presence is my church and yoga is our prayer. Not having these things in place this summer really made me realize that these women are holding me and designing a path to wellness that is just for me. I am truly, knees on the floor grateful for how they are loving me through all of this and sharing so much of their wisdom and themselves with me.
I was challenged by a friend to do the Facebook 7 days of gratitude challenge and I have really enjoyed it. Charles and I do gratitude’s most days but I don’t usually write them down so that’s been a great new element for me.
I have hit the wall officially now and must get to sleep.
Nite, nite.
xoxo Hilary