Surgery is a go. Dr. Javle signed off on it and we are back in Austin prepping for surgery this Monday, August 17. The kids and I got home on Thursday the 13th. I drove to Houston for the day on Friday to do all my pre-op prep. I met with my surgeon Dr. Curley and we went over the plan. He expects I will be at St. Luke’s Hospital for 4-5 days and surgery will last 1-3 hours or so depending on how much scar tissue there is once he opens me up. SWEET! He will use the same incision he used before and the surgery itself will be just like it was last time. The main difference this time around is he will only be taking a small part of my liver out instead of the 66% he took out last time. He will check while he’s in there for any other areas of concern and remove them.

Recovery this time will be far easier. Last time I ended up needing 2 blood transfusions after the operation because my blood wasn’t clotting. This time that shouldn’t be an issue since less liver is being removed. I also won’t have that adorable little drain that nearly brought me to my knees last time because it was both disgusting and annoying and attached to me for 3 weeks. I won’t have nearly the fatigue I had last time either since I won’t have to re-grow most of a major organ. Once the little offender is taken out it will be sent to pathology to determine what exactly it is. The results take a few weeks as I recall or maybe less. Dr. Curley says he’d say there’s an 80% chance it’s cancer. You all know how I feel about statistics, I didn’t like them in college and I still don’t like them. I am assuming it’s cancer which is why I am opting for removal via surgery instead of a nice out patient procedure that would burn it out of me. We want the data so we can know what’s going on in there.

I’m not looking forward to the pain after surgery and being in the hospital. Major surgery is no fun. Period. Ever. However, we are talking about one spot hopefully and prior to this there were many spots so I am feeling grateful I can get this procedure done and feeling very supported by my rock star surgeon. He is my kind of guy. As he said to me, he’s been aggressive with my treatment from the beginning and will continue to do so. That’s what I want.

My fabulous mother-in-law is en route to Austin from PA as I type and will be staying with the kids until next Saturday. We are so thankful she offered to be here and we promise Granddaddy we’ll have her back to the Farm in a jiffy. My Mom and sister will be on hand to help and we thank all the friends that have offered to cook a meal or have the kids over while we are in Houston. Charles will come to the hospital with me and will update the blog so stay tuned.

Phin is all the way better. One spinal tap, 2 ER visits and eight days of headaches was not fun. Despite his feeling pretty awful we did get in 2 boat rides on Lake Champlain on Paige and John’s boat and a girl dinner one night in Shelburne with me, Paige, Dana and Jenny. On the day we left we had breakfast at friend Roxanne and Russ’s restaurant, The Spot with Jenny and her kids Sophie and Lily, Paige and her daughter Caroline, Dana’s kids Phoebe, Leo and Lulu and my two kids. It was Leo’s 12th birthday and special to be there with our Godson on his day.

So people, life is going on. I am eager to get this dog and pony show done as it were and get on to more interesting things. It’s been a wonderful summer and it has gone by faster than any other I can remember. I am so happy in the after-glow of spending time in Vermont with the 3 friends I’ve known longest in my life and who have shaped me, loved me and given me some of the best moments in my life. Their husbands and children are all family to me and I know that I am blessed to know such riches. We also got to swing through Acton, MA en route to Logan Airport to see Sam and Erin Nichols and their 3 hooligans. They are family too and although the visit was too short it was worth every moment and all 50 mosquito bites I got sitting on their deck into the evening.

I am eager to catch up with all my Austin friends, many of whom I haven’t seen since June! I will be sending an email to some of you that have offered to send a meal our way or entertain a kid of ours this week. I have loved all the emails, texts and phone calls I have gotten from you near and far as I navigate this next bump. Please know I smile with each message and want to get back to all of you but I’ve been treading water mainly and haven’t been able to catch up yet.

Gran has arrived safely since I started typing. My niece Zoe has gone off to Colgate today for her freshman year so I am thinking of her and her family as they embrace the seismic shift that occurs when a chickadee leaves the nest. GO ZOE! We are so proud of you as you launch into this chapter. Happy 11th Birthday to Niko Muller today too!

I’m much too tired now to think anymore about what else I should be sharing so I’m off to bed. Here are a few photos from Vermont.

Nite Nite,
xoxo Hilary

Paige, John and I thought this was fitting while we were in the throws of Phin’s illness. We sent it to Charles at work.

On Lake Champlain – Charlotte, Leo and Lulu

Paige, Hilary, Dana, Jenny

Charlotte,Leo, Phin, Lulu, Phoebe, Sophie, Caroline and Lily

My Godchildren: Leo, Sophie and Caroline

Hi Everyone,
My apologies for taking so long to update you all on the results of my PET. I got the results Monday and spent that day trying to make plans. First things first. The PET did show uptake in the 1.1 cm area on my liver we were concerned about based on the CT I had last week. The SUV number (amount of metabolic activity measured) was low, but higher than normal. This was enough of a concern that it’s cancer that my surgeon wants to go ahead and surgically remove it. I have yet to get my MDA doc, Dr. Javle to weigh in on this plan but I have gone ahead and booked surgery for August 17th in Houston with Dr. Curley.

The kids and I are currently in Vermont and had planned to stay here through the 12 then head to Nantucket until the 20th. Sadly we won’t make it to Nantucket with the Cullen’s and the Flatow’s. I am sad because I was really looking forward to being with good friends and spending a week in one of my favorite places. My soul could really use that salt air and that beautiful wind blown landscape. However, I am taking in all the gorgeous green grass and blue mountains of Vermont and loving being here with Dana, Paige and Jenny and their families. It’s a pretty magical place and the kids and I are lucky to be here with friends that are really family. So I am not complaining.

We’ve had a few bumps this week. After the news on Monday that the the PET was not clean, Monday night at 2:30 am Phin came into my room sobbing that he had the worst headache of his life. I drove him to the ER In Burlington at 3:00 am and he spent the next 5 hours sobbing from head pain. He had a CAT scan that was clear and then they did a spinal tap and finally diagnosed him with viral Menangitis – specifically Cocksakie. This is a viral infection that settles into the fluid around your brain and spine, which explained the headache. We finally left the hospital at 5:00pm Tuesday night. Wednesday brought severe back pain and today Phin went back to the windsurfing camp he had started on Monday with my Godson Leo and the headache came back. So he is sleeping as I type. He’s not having quite the vacation he was hoping for but he has had a fun summer so all is not lost.

On the bright side, we did have some fun last night at the Addison country fair where we watched demolition derby and rode rides and generally enjoyed a beautiful Vermont evening. I have to mention how wonderful friends Dana, Todd and Paige have been. Lending cars, feeding us meals, taking care of Charlotte and lending support as we’ve sorted out this mess with Phin. Poor Charles gets my news over the phone followed by news that Phin’s in the ER 24 hours later. It hasn’t been a week without drama!

Where am I with all this? I do believe life is tapping me on the shoulder ever so slightly with some sort of message but I haven’t yet deciphered what it all means. I am pissed really that there seems to be more cancer yet I’m not scared. It’s an inconvienence. I don’t want to have surgery again. I don’t want another scar to add to the mounting number of cancer inflicted slashes to my body. I don’t want to be the patient and have to ask people to help me. I’m tired of talking about me and cancer. It’s starting to define me in ways I’m not digging. As I said though, there’s a message in all of this and I’m curious about the meaning. I have been feeling untethered; a bit of a bystander in my life and I’m looking for some good foot holds. Everything is murky right now and I can’t say it feels very satisfying. It’s up to me to find my groove so that’s what I’m trying to do. There’s work to be done for me, that’s obvious!

So that’s the latest and the greatest. My kids know what’s going on. Cancer is becoming routine in some ways although I’m sure their radar is back on high alert with this set back. They are wonderful people Phin and Char and I am so grateful they continue to thrive despite shaky ground.

Enjoy the waning days of summer.

xoxo Hilary